It has been almost way too long since i've written in this thing. I'm way too likely to delete it and start all over. there's too much negativity in this blog. why? because i guess this is where i come to let it all out. this is where i come to let all my fears run wild. so i don't have to think abotu them anymore. because now i know they're safe.
What has happend in the past few months?
let's see. more negativity. haha.
fuck.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Update.
Soon enough i will be creating a youtube channel where i will pretty much be making videos about everything and anything. It will be starring one close friend of mine mainly and others every now and then. I will be re creating this whole entire blog putting things that are more creative and more intelligent in place of the negative attitude that is embedded in my old posts.
Things will include my photography that no one has ever seen before except myself.
historical things that have some significance towards myself.
and anything else i can be bothered to show whoever is willing to read, look and watch.
I am off to go watch a movie. voila.
Things will include my photography that no one has ever seen before except myself.
historical things that have some significance towards myself.
and anything else i can be bothered to show whoever is willing to read, look and watch.
I am off to go watch a movie. voila.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Thursday, May 21, 2009
The Definition of Perfect...
Yesterday afternoon was when i started to write this. But then after a few hours i thought to myself is this right? should i do this? should i actually express what i think about this topic?
So i stopped myself. I deleted everything i had written and now. I'm going to re write it. But i'm going to shorten it and get straight to my point. This is MY opinion just remember that. Lets take a few scenarios and maybe you'll see what i'm going to get at. Perfect isn't the whole thing. Perfect is the little things within that big thing. Lets take a relationship with your partner for example. Perfect IS NOT the relationship. Perfect is the kiss withing the relationship. It's how the kiss makes you feel and how you know that no matter what that person's kiss will always be perfect to you. Work. Work can never be perfect. But it's to how you satisfied you are after you have done the work. When you've put in all your effort and you know you're going to get the result you want. That's perfection. The feeling you get when you are relieved and relaxed. That's perfection. Perfect is what YOU want it to be. If you're a person who gives up and you're satisfied with that.. NO that is NOT perfection. If you're a person who gives up and you do something to improve yourself, whether it be for yourself, the world, whatever.. That's perfection.
I'm not going to ramble on about perfection, but i will say this. In this moment in time, perfection to me is my happiness. As long as i smile and am stress free then that's my piece of perfect for the day.
Today i did pretty much the same thing as the past few days. Sat in bed playing Pokemon, watching movies such as Gran Torino and Role Models and eating non stop. I need to regain my strength, my weight. Today was the first time also i had talked to my Dad in a few days. It;s funny, after all this shit he has actually realised that he would push me away. He talked to me about that. It made me a bit happier.
Today the things that made me happy:
Talking to my girlfriend for the while i did
The very few funny scenes in Role Models
Looking back at old pictures and semi recent photos
Listening to my music
Playing the piano.
Learning new things on my camera
New wetsuit
Cleaner room
I ate
Talking to Kaylee on MSNzzzz
(:
The End
So i stopped myself. I deleted everything i had written and now. I'm going to re write it. But i'm going to shorten it and get straight to my point. This is MY opinion just remember that. Lets take a few scenarios and maybe you'll see what i'm going to get at. Perfect isn't the whole thing. Perfect is the little things within that big thing. Lets take a relationship with your partner for example. Perfect IS NOT the relationship. Perfect is the kiss withing the relationship. It's how the kiss makes you feel and how you know that no matter what that person's kiss will always be perfect to you. Work. Work can never be perfect. But it's to how you satisfied you are after you have done the work. When you've put in all your effort and you know you're going to get the result you want. That's perfection. The feeling you get when you are relieved and relaxed. That's perfection. Perfect is what YOU want it to be. If you're a person who gives up and you're satisfied with that.. NO that is NOT perfection. If you're a person who gives up and you do something to improve yourself, whether it be for yourself, the world, whatever.. That's perfection.
I'm not going to ramble on about perfection, but i will say this. In this moment in time, perfection to me is my happiness. As long as i smile and am stress free then that's my piece of perfect for the day.
Today i did pretty much the same thing as the past few days. Sat in bed playing Pokemon, watching movies such as Gran Torino and Role Models and eating non stop. I need to regain my strength, my weight. Today was the first time also i had talked to my Dad in a few days. It;s funny, after all this shit he has actually realised that he would push me away. He talked to me about that. It made me a bit happier.
Today the things that made me happy:
Talking to my girlfriend for the while i did
The very few funny scenes in Role Models
Looking back at old pictures and semi recent photos
Listening to my music
Playing the piano.
Learning new things on my camera
New wetsuit
Cleaner room
I ate
Talking to Kaylee on MSNzzzz
(:
The End
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
The Past Two Days...
For the past two days now i have been sick. Although to some it may seem like i have been just "wagging" school or "milking it", i haven't. I've been bored in bed for three days. (The first day i actually wasn't all too ill).
My parents want me to go to school tomorrow even though i don't feel upto it. My last post has come back to punch me in the face and even though all this shit with my dad and friends has been going down i've been happy. One person has managed to keep me smiling and i love her.
Last night at around eleven pm two of my mates, one i've known for years and the other only for a few, joined a game of TF2 with me. (Team Fortress) i don't know if it was because they were just bored, wanted to play, or if it was because they had the option of doing other things like going to bed, but chose to han gout with me in-game. Either way it was nice. I have been alone for 3 days isolated in my bedroom. I tried to sleep, but i couldn't i had the images of my girlfriend's smile beautifully scarred to my mind. It was hot, well, at least i thought it was. It could have just been my fever. I had the thought of waking up the next morning and being sick and having to go to school. I just couldn't sleep.
Today i played pokemon ruby, watched Bee Movie and also watched The Dark Knight. I slept, but not once did i eat. Why the fuck am i losing my appotite?!?! It's not because i'm sick. I don't have an appotite even when i'm well. Is there something else wrong with my body that i don't actually know about? It's scaring me..
I had my blood tested today also, maybe that will help me. :S
If i could have three wishes a week then this week i'd wish for my bubba to get well, for my religion speech complete with average to good marks and for all my relationships to be whatever the definition of "perfect" is. :)
<3
My parents want me to go to school tomorrow even though i don't feel upto it. My last post has come back to punch me in the face and even though all this shit with my dad and friends has been going down i've been happy. One person has managed to keep me smiling and i love her.
Last night at around eleven pm two of my mates, one i've known for years and the other only for a few, joined a game of TF2 with me. (Team Fortress) i don't know if it was because they were just bored, wanted to play, or if it was because they had the option of doing other things like going to bed, but chose to han gout with me in-game. Either way it was nice. I have been alone for 3 days isolated in my bedroom. I tried to sleep, but i couldn't i had the images of my girlfriend's smile beautifully scarred to my mind. It was hot, well, at least i thought it was. It could have just been my fever. I had the thought of waking up the next morning and being sick and having to go to school. I just couldn't sleep.
Today i played pokemon ruby, watched Bee Movie and also watched The Dark Knight. I slept, but not once did i eat. Why the fuck am i losing my appotite?!?! It's not because i'm sick. I don't have an appotite even when i'm well. Is there something else wrong with my body that i don't actually know about? It's scaring me..
I had my blood tested today also, maybe that will help me. :S
If i could have three wishes a week then this week i'd wish for my bubba to get well, for my religion speech complete with average to good marks and for all my relationships to be whatever the definition of "perfect" is. :)
<3
Monday, May 18, 2009
To Start
I will most likely be updating this regularly or at least try my best to.
The reason for this page is to share my day to day life with people who will care. Not everyone lives the same lives. Some are interesting, some boring, some perfect and some so perfect you wish it were yours.
Mine? well.. lets' just say it's a mixture. I started off loving life. Like every other little kid, i was one to smile, laugh, chuck a tantrum if i didn't get something, scream if i was angry and feel the trust you are a forced to have with your parents.
Now, as i am getting older things are changing. For best and for worse. I'll start from when i entered high school. I was young, afraid of new and missing old. I had my fair share of crushes and i had friends. For the first few days i was actually considered "cool". If you compare that to now.. You'll see the change. I don't think there was a sad day for me for weeks. I actually stole a girl's bag and replaced it with mine so she would take notice of me, because i liked her. Nothing too weird. I was a smart kid. Top in all my classes and willing to learn and still have my fun. Then the worst of adolescence hit. I went from being an innocent little boy to a rebel who all i cared about were girls, parties and the surf. I completely fucked school right off and as you may tell from looking at me now it all led to me being a failure. Not at life completely, but all the small things that make up your life to be one considered "good" and "interesting".
It was the same right through to year 10. Then i found that i needed to stop and think about my future. I was doing my school cert and HAD to be on the right track. Throughout the year i remained the same yet still tried to get off the beaten track, per say. By the end of the year i had done pretty average; Band fours and fives. I lost my girlfriend of what? 10-11 months? and i was ready to get back on track.
As i write this in the bottom right hand corner it says; "labels for this post" and one suggestion is "scooters" and also "vacation". This is just proves labels are stupid, labels are why i am how i am today. Misjudgments and ignorance. Year eleven; classified as 'emo' and lost more friends than ever before. Met a girl, lost her, met friends, lost them. Now, Year twelve, no real friends left. No one calling me like they used to. No one wanting me like they used to. No one around like there used to be. I am alone and can be classified as a loner. Now that is a correct label.
I wish i were invited to things. I wish i was wanted again. I wish i was smart again. I wish i was better looking. I wish i wasn't such a loser!
I'm in love and if it's one thing i've learned it's to not get too attached. Not only do you slowly push them away, you worry about every little thing. Are they ok? are they cold? are they happy? are they sad? do they miss me? do they still love me? do they still want you? do try to hard? There are so many questions that run through my mind because of how in love i am. People find it annoying and i can understand that, but look at it from my eyes. She is the girl i've always wanted and now that i have her i never want her to go. You never think it can happen. Finding her, finding exactly what you want in love, but it can and it does and it has! You just have to try. Never give up and always fight for what you want because once you work for it. You will get it. You will get it. You will get it..
But like schoolwork and anything else. It takes maintenance. If you want to keep it. You have to keep working on it.
My life now? well.. that's a whole new story for you.
Goodbye.
The reason for this page is to share my day to day life with people who will care. Not everyone lives the same lives. Some are interesting, some boring, some perfect and some so perfect you wish it were yours.
Mine? well.. lets' just say it's a mixture. I started off loving life. Like every other little kid, i was one to smile, laugh, chuck a tantrum if i didn't get something, scream if i was angry and feel the trust you are a forced to have with your parents.
Now, as i am getting older things are changing. For best and for worse. I'll start from when i entered high school. I was young, afraid of new and missing old. I had my fair share of crushes and i had friends. For the first few days i was actually considered "cool". If you compare that to now.. You'll see the change. I don't think there was a sad day for me for weeks. I actually stole a girl's bag and replaced it with mine so she would take notice of me, because i liked her. Nothing too weird. I was a smart kid. Top in all my classes and willing to learn and still have my fun. Then the worst of adolescence hit. I went from being an innocent little boy to a rebel who all i cared about were girls, parties and the surf. I completely fucked school right off and as you may tell from looking at me now it all led to me being a failure. Not at life completely, but all the small things that make up your life to be one considered "good" and "interesting".
It was the same right through to year 10. Then i found that i needed to stop and think about my future. I was doing my school cert and HAD to be on the right track. Throughout the year i remained the same yet still tried to get off the beaten track, per say. By the end of the year i had done pretty average; Band fours and fives. I lost my girlfriend of what? 10-11 months? and i was ready to get back on track.
As i write this in the bottom right hand corner it says; "labels for this post" and one suggestion is "scooters" and also "vacation". This is just proves labels are stupid, labels are why i am how i am today. Misjudgments and ignorance. Year eleven; classified as 'emo' and lost more friends than ever before. Met a girl, lost her, met friends, lost them. Now, Year twelve, no real friends left. No one calling me like they used to. No one wanting me like they used to. No one around like there used to be. I am alone and can be classified as a loner. Now that is a correct label.
I wish i were invited to things. I wish i was wanted again. I wish i was smart again. I wish i was better looking. I wish i wasn't such a loser!
I'm in love and if it's one thing i've learned it's to not get too attached. Not only do you slowly push them away, you worry about every little thing. Are they ok? are they cold? are they happy? are they sad? do they miss me? do they still love me? do they still want you? do try to hard? There are so many questions that run through my mind because of how in love i am. People find it annoying and i can understand that, but look at it from my eyes. She is the girl i've always wanted and now that i have her i never want her to go. You never think it can happen. Finding her, finding exactly what you want in love, but it can and it does and it has! You just have to try. Never give up and always fight for what you want because once you work for it. You will get it. You will get it. You will get it..
But like schoolwork and anything else. It takes maintenance. If you want to keep it. You have to keep working on it.
My life now? well.. that's a whole new story for you.
Goodbye.
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